This Author is left to wonder if she ought to have shared an easy-to-use ovulation calendar with London’s many marriage-minded misses?

Image Copyright: Netflix. (Fair Use.)

Dearest Reader,

Of all the scandalous secrets this author has shared with you — the shocking secret of Miss Marina Thompson’s sham engagement to Colin Bridgerton, the sordid secret of Lord Berbooke’s love child, the shameful, DELICIOUS secret of the Featheringtons’ fall from grace — it would appear that I should have led with this one:

The pull-out method doesn’t work.

To be honest, Dear Reader, this Author assumed this was common knowledge. Yet it would seem a certain Duke and Duchess are convinced that they can “honeymoon” all every library ladder, spiral staircase, and lush green lawn at Clyvedon…


SATIRE

“Somebody order a pizza — with extra sausage?” “JUST LEAVE IT BY THE DOOR!”

Photo by Lana Abie on Unsplash

Pizza Delivery

DELIVERY BOY: Did somebody order a pizza — with extra sausage?

WOMAN: (Calling through door) JUST LEAVE IT BY THE DOOR, PLEASE!

She opens door, retrieves pizza, places pizza on floor, stares at hands, washes hands, Clorox-wipes entire pizza box, washes hands again.

WOMAN: Hey, Siri… how do you wash pizza?

She stares balefully at pizza.

Package Delivery

FEDEX GUY: Did somebody order a huge package?

WOMAN: LEAVE IT BY THE DOOR, PLEASE! AND THANK YOU! FOR RISKING YOUR LIFE TO DELIVER ESSENTIAL ITEMS TO THOSE IN NEED!

FEDEX GUY: (Weeping) Wow. That means a lot. This has been terrifying.

He rests…


Tonight, tonight, will be just like last night …

Image by Ryan McGuire from Pixabay

Tonight (WEST SIDE STORY)

Tonight, tonight
Will be just like last night
We’ll cook some soup and panic-watch the news

Tonight, tonight
We’ll probably start to fight
And you’ll say “We need to get more booze”

Today, you’ve asked me 17 times
What kind of wine I ordered.
I TOLD YOU I GOT WHITE!

Oh Instacart, come soon
So I can pour myself a HUGE glass

Tonight!

I’m Gonna Wash This Shit Right Off Of My Hands (SOUTH PACIFIC)

I’m gonna wash this shit right off of my hands
I’m gonna wash this shit right off of my hands
I’m gonna wash this shit right off of my hands
Then moisturize all day!

Get the picture?

Getting to Know You, Now That You’re Here 24/7 (THE KING & I)

Dan Ryan

Humor in @littleoldlady__, @PointsinCase, @WeeklyHumorist, @RobotButt, @Slackjaw.

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